What Is True Mentoring?

January is National Mentoring Month, and it got me thinking on what is the true nature of mentoring? It seems like quite a few people don’t know. I remember talking with the President and CEO of a Charter School on the Westside of Chicago a few years ago, and I mentioned that I believe the key to successfully raising kids in at-risk communities like the ones her school lay in was mentoring. She kind of smiled or something, but I could see that she didn’t really get the concept. She said she vaguely mentioned remembering having a mentor when she was younger, but it seemed that all they did was meet for food from time to time. But that was about it. I don’t remember her describing it as being something long term. Or even that impactful from how she recalled it. And it hit me. If the head of a relatively large charter school didn’t seem to really grasp the power of mentoring, who really does?

Books have been written about mentoring, so I’ll keep it brief. Mentoring has the power to reverse the poverty, violence, poor health and failing schools in at-risk communities, because true mentoring is for a life-time, involves the family, and is backed by an organized system that takes into account the culture of the one getting mentored (or mentee).

Now, there are all types of mentoring, but when it comes to mentoring at-risk youth, especially in situations in which the family needs as much help as the mentee, I believe a lifetime commitment is in order. You have to factor in the time it takes for a mentor and mentee to establish a connection, to set up a routine of how often there is going to be contact and the changes in life both parties go through. Being a mentor is in part about providing a positive influence in some area of a person’s life. In situations where the family may be dysfunctional for instance, a mentor, however good they may be, is only going to be of limited influence if they’re only in their mentee’s life for a relatively short time. Years of negative influence, habits and thinking can’t be offset quickly: even more years of positive contacts and influence are often needed to help an individual change their concepts of self-esteem and success and establish good habits.

Also, surface or superficial mentoring, meeting for lunch or having a few phone calls or emails now and then, don’t generally allow for connections to be made with the family of the mentee. Now, I’m not suggesting that the mentor be tasked with mentoring a whole family, but, the more that a relationship that can be established with the family the better chance that it can lead to increased trust, openness, and opportunities for a mentor to understand what challenges the mentee faces and how to best relate to those influences.

Both of the above conditions are greatly helped by being backed by an organized, well resourced system. The system, or organization, helps facilitate relationships with the family and ideally has links to other organizations and/or programs that can help the mentee and their family better themselves over time and with help.

So much can be said for the power of mentoring, but in the end, when someone sees potential in someone else, especially if that person doesn’t quite see it themselves yet, the longer and stronger that connection remains, the more it helps that person see the talent and abilities in themselves. Having someone in your life who can see past your own life experiences and help guide you over time is something that can benefit anyone! Especially youth coming from dysfunctional families and neighborhoods.

They’re gonna need more than a few conversations and a few meals every now and then.

So, happy Mentor’s Month! Let’s celebrate those taking time out of their life and experiences to help someone else do better in theirs!

And let’s make Mentor’s Month, EVERY month!